I'm not gonna beat around the bush, this movie was a steaming stink pickle. It was beyond awful. If I filmed myself sleeping it would be a better film. But I'm awesome, so thats not fair. I digress.
This movie, quite honestly, is a perfect metaphor for what is wrong with America these days. What do the vast majority of people in this country want? Instant results with no effort, right? This is why people play the lottery even though the odds of Charlie Sheen being the next U.S. president are better. This is why drugs that promise you instant fat loss without having to lift a muscle fly off the shelves. This is why people get scammed out of money chasing “hot” stock picks. Nobody wants to put any effort into bettering themselves. Everyone hopes that one day they will be skinny, or rich, or successful, but when the time comes to actually put in the work, they complain about being too busy or too tired.
This movie, quite honestly, is a perfect metaphor for what is wrong with America these days. What do the vast majority of people in this country want? Instant results with no effort, right? This is why people play the lottery even though the odds of Charlie Sheen being the next U.S. president are better. This is why drugs that promise you instant fat loss without having to lift a muscle fly off the shelves. This is why people get scammed out of money chasing “hot” stock picks. Nobody wants to put any effort into bettering themselves. Everyone hopes that one day they will be skinny, or rich, or successful, but when the time comes to actually put in the work, they complain about being too busy or too tired.
And by the way, it is safe to say that Bradley Cooper is the next Matthew McConagey (how the fuck do spell his last name anyway? oh well, you know who I mean). Their careers will be defined by one great movie (Dazed & Confused for MCCConnagahey and The Hangover for Cooper) and a bunch of shitty ones. Each must take their shirt off in at least one scene. I look forward to 8 terrible chick flicks from Cooper.
On my new movie rating scale that ranges from one stink pickle to 5 stink pickles (one being the worst and five being the best), this movie gets 1 stink pickle.
This movie is perfect for that person. It is the wet dream of every lazy slob in this country. The movie begins with the main character’s life falling apart. He is a writer that can’t focus long enough to write anything. He lives in a dump and drinks too much. His girlfriend gets tired of it and finally leaves him. We are supposed to feel sorry for him at this point in the movie. Yes, let’s feel sorry for the slothful fuck that has nobody to blame but himself for his demise.
Then something amazing happens, he is given a drug that will make him brilliant and likeable again. Whoopee. He takes the drug without knowing what it will do or what the side effects could be. When his dealer is killed, he steals the rest of the drugs from him. With a large supply of the drug he rapidly makes a ton of money day-trading in the stock market. He didn’t have to do even the slightest bit of work and now he is rich and on top of the world. America cums in their sweatpants.
Main character begins taking too much of the drug and finds out there are side effects. He goes for days and doesn’t remember anything. At one point, he may have even killed a girl. (Another annoying part of the movie is this is never cleared up). But don’t worry America, he gets it under control. He gets into some trouble but of course gets out of it by taking more drugs.
In the interest of time and my sanity, I skip to the end. He gets the girl, becomes a U.S. Senator, and appears to be in line for President.
So let’s recap here:
Our lazy main character can’t get his shit together so he takes drugs, steals, and possibly kills someone while on a crazy bender. What happens???? He becomes the fucking President! If that isn’t the American Dream then I don’t know what is.
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