Dearest Garrett,
I’m destroyed, I’m hurt, and I can’t sleep. I miss you. I am very upset you did not draft me this year in fantasy baseball. I thought we had something special. The last two years were extraordinary because I knew every time I walked to the plate I was swinging the bat for your success. Yeah, I’ve slipped a little and I never quite lived up to my expectations, but I’m still young and with a stronger lineup my numbers will be at their best this year. Come on, I want to play for YOU! I may never hit 30 homeruns in a season but I will hit over 20. I need the image of you dancing around in my head to really have the ferocity and desire to crack that ball out of the park. Whoa! I get excited just thinking about us working together as a team!! I’ll start stealing bases again. How does 25 stolen bases sound? How about 30? Singles, doubles, triples! In the park homeruns! I’ll hit for the cycle twice this year. I’ll catch my own fly balls.
Anyways, it was that whiny bitch Weiters that was bringing me down last year. All of that talk about him being the Orioles franchise player was getting in my head. I’M THE FRANCHISE. My numbers have been down but now Vlad is in the club house and his World Series swagger has raised my confidence. I’m ready to rake, baby!! But I need you. I’m sure Ian will work you a sweet trade if you beg him. Offer him some top talent and I’m sure you can pry me from his fingers. You should give him Kevin Youkillis or Carlos Gonzales. You don’t need those guys when you have me. Give him two guys and one cup. Give him three guys and a salad bowl. We will win this together. Do it for me, baby!
Forever Yours,
Nick Markakis
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