SPB Movie Review - Limitless (Spoiler Alert)

I'm not gonna beat around the bush, this movie was a steaming stink pickle.  It was beyond awful.  If I filmed myself sleeping it would be a better film.  But I'm awesome, so thats not fair.  I digress.

This movie, quite honestly, is a perfect metaphor for what is wrong with America these days.  What do the vast majority of people in this country want?  Instant results with no effort, right?  This is why people play the lottery even though the odds of Charlie Sheen being the next U.S. president are better.  This is why drugs that promise you instant fat loss without having to lift a muscle fly off the shelves. This is why people get scammed out of money chasing “hot” stock picks.  Nobody wants to put any effort into bettering themselves.  Everyone hopes that one day they will be skinny, or rich, or successful, but when the time comes to actually put in the work, they complain about being too busy or too tired.

All Dogs go to Heaven

Snoop's new tatoo.

Rest in Peace Nate Dogg

Ahh, the old "Get My Twin Brother to Box for Me in a Celebrity Boxing Match" trick again...

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/boxing/news/story?id=6265329

How to Dance to Dubstep

On our drive back from Sante Fe we introduced many of you to a sub-genre of techno called Dubstep. This music, characterized by it's bass lines and reverberant drum patterns, originated in South London (that big city on that island) and originated around 1998; when The Boy is Mine by Brandy and Monica was the number one song in the US. Often described as dark, grime or garage, Dubstep often focuses on the minor keys and the omnipresent bass lines. What I like about dubstep is the wobble and bass drops. The wobble is a sound created by extending a bass line and then distorting the sounds so that the reverb creates a 'wobble' effect.

While dubstep is fun and the dance parties are insane, it's most likely just a phase. With that said, check out this video for this festival I am attending at the end of April called Nocturnal Festival:

Now the reason for this blog on dubstep is because when we were listening to the music in the Tan Man Van the Tan Man asked me, "How do you dance to dubstep?" Well, I have some videos to show you. Please watch all of them with the volume and bass turned up.

First, it's so easy a bird can do it (the song is also a good example of that wobble sound):



Second, these guys are incredible. If you can't watch the entire video skip around a little:

Third, she has the wobble down:



LT's take on hired help



I guess he is an advocate for equality.

LT don't do age discrimination.

I heard he traded in his iconic dangly gold earing for a van, candy, a wind suit, and a press on mustache.

He was hoping his season of Dancing with the Stars would get replayed on Nickelodean.

Don't frown big guy. I'm sure you can wear that jacket as part of a Mariachi band at Quinceañera and pick up chicks there.

He can't help it. He has a disease. He can't tell the difference between a street corner and a Chuck e Cheese ball pin.

How is the horriable song Friday by Rebecca Black and LT different? One comes on a 16 year old girl's iPod the other just comes on a 16 year old girl.

Cuban and Sheen... What could be better?

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=6245931&categoryid=2378529

Letters of Admiration

Dearest Garrett,

I’m destroyed, I’m hurt, and I can’t sleep. I miss you. I am very upset you did not draft me this year in fantasy baseball. I thought we had something special. The last two years were extraordinary because I knew every time I walked to the plate I was swinging the bat for your success. Yeah, I’ve slipped a little and I never quite lived up to my expectations, but I’m still young and with a stronger lineup my numbers will be at their best this year. Come on, I want to play for YOU! I may never hit 30 homeruns in a season but I will hit over 20. I need the image of you dancing around in my head to really have the ferocity and desire to crack that ball out of the park. Whoa! I get excited just thinking about us working together as a team!! I’ll start stealing bases again. How does 25 stolen bases sound? How about 30? Singles, doubles, triples! In the park homeruns! I’ll hit for the cycle twice this year. I’ll catch my own fly balls.

Anyways, it was that whiny bitch Weiters that was bringing me down last year. All of that talk about him being the Orioles franchise player was getting in my head. I’M THE FRANCHISE. My numbers have been down but now Vlad is in the club house and his World Series swagger has raised my confidence. I’m ready to rake, baby!! But I need you. I’m sure Ian will work you a sweet trade if you beg him. Offer him some top talent and I’m sure you can pry me from his fingers. You should give him Kevin Youkillis or Carlos Gonzales. You don’t need those guys when you have me. Give him two guys and one cup. Give him three guys and a salad bowl. We will win this together. Do it for me, baby!

Forever Yours,

Nick Markakis

Confucius Say...

When I was but a wee lad, a few young Buddhist monks came to my door.  They explained to my parents (though a series of drawings and hand gestures)  that they believed I was the re-incarnation of Confucius and asked to take me back to their monastery in the Himalayas.  My parents, who were impressed at how quickly I had learned not to stick crayons in my nose , agreed that I was special and allowed them to take me. 

After a few years as a samanera eating only in the morning and meditating for days at a time, it became evident that a mistake had been made.  I had not said anything even remotely profound since I had arrived.  (Don’t get me wrong, I am still smarter than all of you I just wasn’t Confucius smart.) 

Normally, I would have been returned to my family with a basket of rice as an apology.  However, I had become the best yak rider in the monastery and helped our monastery win numerous intra-monastery yak riding championships so I was allowed to stay.  Not long after, the true re-incarnation of Confucius was found.  I studied under him for many months and learned many things.  I returned to the States with many scrolls of parchment filled with notes I took.  I have determined it is time to give you all a glimpse into the teachings of Confucius.

Confucius say…

• Man who run in front of car get tired.
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
• Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
• Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
• Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
• Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
• It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

How I'm Wasting My Friday Morning...

Article by Michael Lewis on Bloomberg today about the Japanese economy after the quake.  In my opinion, anything by Michael Lewis is worthy of a read.
http://noir.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&sid=aDuIncNWP9dU

Long article about Chernobyl 25 years later.  Very interesting if you have some time.
http://outsideonline.com/adventure/travel-ga-201103-chernobyl-wildlife-refuge-sidwcmdev_154483.html

Chelsea v. Man U in Champions League Q-Final
http://espn.go.com/sports/soccer/news/_/id/6231712/chelsea-play-manchester-united-champions-league-quarterfinals

I just came across a video of the world's biggest Stink Pickle Blog fan.

Welcome Gents

If you have received a link to this site, then take a second to give yourself a sincere and firm pat on the back. 

I’ll wait…

You have made a not-so-exclusive list of the most erudite and distinguished men that we know.  As such, we would like to invite you take a journey with us as we delve into the complexities of modern society and investigate the chasm of the human psyche. 

The first question you may be asking yourself is, “What is the Stink Pickle Blog?”  Well, I am so glad you asked that question.  The Stink Pickle Blog is, in the simplest of explanations, a weblog created by two of the brightest young minds on the planet (Garrett and Ian) for the sole purpose of entertaining ourselves and our friends.

This website will provide its users (the aforementioned distinguished gentlemen) with a forum to share and discuss ideas, thoughts, pictures, videos, or any other creation of the imagination.  Instead of losing these snowflakes of wisdom and hilarity once our corporate mailboxes become too full, we will have the ability to re-visit or add-on to them for as long as we so choose. 

Initially, it will be the responsibility of the creators to be the catalysts of thought.  Think of it as striking a match and holding it to a well assembled mountain of logs. However, it is the desire of the creators that once this fire is lit, it will continue to burn freely and spontaneously being constantly fueled by input from its readers. 

This site, much like all of us, will continue to evolve and morph over time as our understanding of technology and the world around us grows.

So without further ado, welcome to Stink Pickle Blog!